baggage's Diaryland Diary

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wet sidewalks, worms and dirt on the balls of my feet

I gained an hour today and woke up before the sunrise.

Girl-Unit was on on her way to work by 6:45 am and, with her exit, came that familiar crash of silence that I both dread and crave.

The house seems stunned by her absence. I hear the hum of the Mac (my substitute for companionship at times like this), the ringing in my ears (the remnant of a night filled with bright lights, smoke machines and high-pitched cymbal crashes) and the kiss of rubber on wet asphalt as the world rolls by my bedroom window.

I notice the erratic sound of the keyboard-my hands giving birth to more spelling errors and typos than eloquence. I notice that the floor needs sweeping and that the bed needs making and that the cats need kissing and that the lawn needs mowing.

I notice a lot when she's not here and I'm alone in this tiny wooden box of cat hair, guitars and magazines.

Time alone defines a big part of your heart: the things you do when nobody is watching; the thoughts in your head when you're free from the wrath or praise of your loved ones; the words you speak when no one is listening.

So, I pay attention.

I listen to what my alone-mind tells my alone-body to do.

I listen close to further define who I am, what I feel and where my spirit resides.

The internal conversation thus far:

Alone-mind tells me to sit on the front porch with bare feet, warm coffee and biscotti.

Alone-mind tells me catch my buzz and walk an early-morning path to the university with its east coast facades and trimmed lawns.

Alone-mind tells me that the wet-world outside my window is beautiful-and that I should inhale as much as my lungs will allow.

Alone-mind tells me to write in my neglected journal so that years from now I can check on my emotional progress-see where I've been to help gauge where I'm going (even if it's around in a circle).

Hmm.

Funny how you write and write and then suddenly the flow stops.

Perhaps alone-mind is telling me this is enough.

It's time for my walk.

8:10 a.m. - 2002-10-27

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